The Fylde Institute of Applied Bus Studies · Occasional Papers Series
On the optimal omnibus conveyance of a small drinking party from Lytham St Annes to the Blackpool Winter Gardens for the purposes of darts.
*The committee. The committee is David. David is the committee.
It is the committee's honour to report that after years of inconclusive argument, the fieldwork has been carried out and completed. The results are hereby entered into the permanent record:
Combined verdict: 7 there, 68 back. The question is settled. The committee is dissolved in triumph.
The committee must however record, with the gravest disappointment, that the return leg was completed by only two (2) of the seven fieldworkers present. The remaining five (5) — fully aware that the 68 was the entire point of the study — summoned Ubers. Private hire vehicles. At the darts. On research night.
| Return conveyance | Fieldworkers | Committee ruling |
|---|---|---|
| Route 68 (the Interloper) | 2 — heroes of the study | Names to be engraved on the trophy (pending trophy) |
| Uber | 5 — the Uber Five | Data inadmissible. Conduct unbecoming. Round-buying duties doubled. |
The Uber Five know who they are. The group chat knows who they are. The 68 pulled up and they watched it leave.
Shame. Shame. Shame.
The mission is complete and voting is closed, but the three interactive bus simulations remain open for historical research purposes. The Uber Five are encouraged to play Field Trial No. 68 to experience what they missed. Full dossiers in §3.
Ancillary fieldwork now open: pint glass year dating. Newly minted M26 (2026) glasses are in circulation. Check your glass, then enter your specimen in the Captain's Log — open to all fieldworkers.
Each July, the study group travels from Lytham St Annes to the Winter Gardens, Blackpool, to attend the darts. Three candidate services exist: the 7, the 11, and the 68. Despite the journey occurring once per year, the question of which bus to get has now consumed more cumulative discussion time than the darts itself, including the walk-ons.
This paper presents the findings to date. Metrics assessed: speed, stop count, quality of views, quality of seats, probability of the bus actually turning up, and risk of accidental onward travel to Preston. Findings remain contested. The dispute is expected to outlive the participants.
One journey is undertaken per annum (see Limitations, which is all of this). Conditions are never controlled: variables include weather, roadworks on Clifton Drive, how late everyone was leaving the house, and whether a pre-bus pint was taken (it was). Data is recorded in the group chat, primarily as complaints.
Statistical method: one-way ANOVA (Analysis of Nuisance On Vehicles, Annually). Significance threshold: whoever argues longest. All timings measured from the stop to the first “stand up if you love the darts”.
In addition, to compensate for the catastrophically small sample size, each service has been reconstructed as a rigorous interactive simulation (see directive above; play buttons in §3). Committee members are required to complete all three field trials before voting. Scores are admissible evidence.
The scenic option. Sails up the coast with the sea on your left and the Tower growing on the horizon like a pint settling. Emotionally the correct bus.
Keeps threatening to stop serving Lytham altogether, a development the committee has voted to ignore.
▶ Play Field Trial No. 7THE PICKUP RUN →Reliable as a checkout on tops. Also visits every single house on the Fylde coast personally, like it's canvassing. Premium views of a Sainsbury's.
The dependable one. Nobody has ever been excited to see it. Nobody has ever been let down by it.
▶ Play Field Trial No. 11SEAGULL DEFENCE →Not even a Blackpool bus. A Stagecoach service passing through on its way to Preston, which is where you will end up if you sleep, blink, or trust it.
Fast, mysterious, morally grey. Nobody can ever remember where anything is on it, including the stops. Including Blackpool.
▶ Play Field Trial No. 68THE MEMORY TRIAL →| Metric | Route 7 | Route 11 | Route 68 |
|---|---|---|---|
| Journey time (claimed) | “20 minutes” | “25 minutes” | “quicker, actually” |
| Journey time (observed) | 34 min | 51 min | 28 min* |
| Stops endured | 19 | a career's worth | 11 |
| Best view recorded | the Tower, the sea, a tram going the other way | a man arguing with a bin | the A584 at pace |
| Seat verdict | plush, forward-facing, correct | plush but you're on it for a fortnight | Stagecoach lumbar roulette |
| Chance of a double seat | moderate | excellent (nobody else wants it) | you will sit with a stranger and their shopping |
| Delivered party to Winter Gardens | yes | yes, eventually | delivered 75% of party; see incident report, 2023 |
*Route 68 timing excludes the year it did not stop. The committee does not discuss the year it did not stop.
“The 7 is the only bus with a narrative arc.” — Committee member, after two pints, annually
“The 11 gets you there. That's it. That's the whole review. Why are we still talking about this.” — Committee member, correct, ignored
“I woke up in Kirkham.” — Committee member, re: the 68, incident report 2023, appendix withheld
Findings: inconclusive CONCLUSIVE. The 2026 expedition has settled it (see §0):
the correct answer was both. The 7 for the sense of occasion on the way
there; the 68 for the white-knuckle sprint home. All prior years of argument are hereby
declared a waste of everyone's time, as suspected.
Recommendation: the finding stands until next July, when the committee will reconvene at the stop and argue about it anyway. Attendance on the return bus is now mandatory (see §0.1). Game one. Let's. Play. Darts.